What I Wish I Knew Before Turning 40 as a Woman

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... A Fun, Psychological, and Slightly Existential Ride

Turning 40 is like reaching the summit of a mountain you didn’t realize you were climbing. You look back and think, Wow, I made it this far without a map, a compass, or even proper hiking boots. As a woman, hitting this milestone can feel equal parts empowering, terrifying, and oddly hilarious. Here’s what I wish I knew before crossing the big 4-0, sprinkled with tips, fun facts, and a dash of existential musing to keep things spicy.

This article is meant for Women in their 20s who are just beginning their lives, Women in their 30s who are feeling stressed or pressured, Women in their 40s who need some reassurance or a little humor , Women in their 50s+ who can say 'I'm this person now' or even for Men with a feminine energy. Everyone is welcome !

So you want to know The things I wish I knew before I turned 40 ? Grab some popcorn.

1. Your Body is a Wonderland (But It’s Also a Fixer-Upper)

Ah, the body! In our 20s and 30s, we often take it for granted. By 40, many of us realize that our bodies have stories to tell—stretch marks, wrinkles, and all.  You’ll notice things like metabolism slowing down (thanks, biology), random aches appearing out of nowhere, and the sudden need to Google “perimenopause symptoms” at 2 a.m.

Instead of viewing these changes negatively, I wish I had embraced body positivity earlier.

Self-care keeps you grounded and healthy, and doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Taking time to reset and allowing yourself to rest can make all the difference. It’s so important to slow down and unplug, because life doesn’t slow down, so it’s up to you to carve out those moments for yourself.

I know, right ?

Tip 1: Start treating your body like a vintage car. Regular maintenance is key. Yoga, strength training, and a diet that doesn’t consist entirely of wine and cheese (tempting as that may be) will keep you running smoothly. And don’t forget sunscreen—your future self will thank you.

Tip 2: Don’t Let Comparison Steal Your Joy

Comparison can be a trap that makes you feel like you’ve failed, even when you’re living your best life. Social media has really highlighted this for all of us. In my 30s, I compared myself to everyone’s successes and accomplishments. Social media is a highlight reel, and the thing that makes us unique is that we all have our own story and timeline. I now understand that everyone has their own struggles, even if you don’t see them. Your journey is entirely your own, and there’s beauty in that. Stay focused on your path, and let go of the need to measure up to someone else’s story.

Fun Fact 1: Aging is Beautiful

Did you know that many cultures celebrate aging as a mark of wisdom and beauty? In some traditions, older women are revered for their life experiences and knowledge.

Fun Fact 2 : Women’s metabolisms don’t actually slow down significantly until after 60. So, if you’re blaming your 40s for those extra pounds, it might just be that third slice of pizza. (No judgment haha.)

2. Some Friendships Will Evolve. Others Will End.

A friend you may have chosen in your 20s or even 30s might not be someone you feel connected to in your 40s.  It can be really difficult and painful to realize a friendship is no longer a fit. Some people are there for a season, and it might feel like a loss, but it’s a natural part of life. The true friends—the ones who’ll be there through every high and low—will grow with you, and those relationships deepen over time. You’ll also find new people as you change. And there is something so special about being older and connecting with someone who was meant to be in your life.

Tip: Invest in the friends who show up for you—whether it’s with a bottle of wine, a listening ear, or a well-timed meme. And don’t be afraid to let go of relationships that no longer serve you. Life’s too short for drama and one-sided friendships.

Fun Fact: Studies show that women with strong social connections live longer and have better mental health. So, your girls’ night out isn’t just fun—it’s literally life-saving.

3. The Power of Community

As women, we often juggle multiple roles—mother, daughter, friend, employee. The support of a community can make all the difference. In your 30s, you often felt isolated, believing you had to tackle everything alone. By 40, you learned that sharing experiences with other women can provide both comfort and inspiration.

Fun Fact: Sisterhood Boosts Happiness

Studies show that women with strong social networks report higher levels of happiness and lower stress. So, don’t hesitate to reach out and build your tribe!

Tip: Cultivate Your Circle

Invest time in nurturing relationships. Organize regular get-togethers, whether virtual or in-person, and celebrate each other's achievements and challenges. Join some groups such as Women of Hong Kong and extend your networking and circle of friends.

4. Embracing Change

You might have an idea of when you want to hit certain life milestones.

One of the most profound realizations I had is that change is not only inevitable but also necessary. In your 30s, you may cling tightly to your routines and identities. However, entering your 40s often presents an opportunity to reassess what truly matters. This is the decade when many women start to prioritize self-care, relationships, and passions that were perhaps sidelined in earlier years.

Tip: Embrace the Transition

Don’t fear change; lean into it! Start a new hobby, travel to a place you’ve always wanted to visit, or rekindle a friendship. Change can bring excitement and a fresh perspective.

5. You Stop Caring About What Other People Think (Mostly)

One of the greatest gifts of turning 40 is the realization that you don’t need everyone to like you. That coworker who always has something snarky to say? Not your problem. The judgy mom at school drop-off? Her opinion doesn’t pay your bills.

Bisous

Tip: Say “No” When It’s a No

In my 30s, I said “yes” to nearly everything because I felt anxious when I said no. What if I missed out or let someone down? I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or fail in any way. But saying “yes” to everything means saying “no” to yourself. And saying “no” doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It took a long time to get to a place where I realized that, and I could have saved myself a lot of anxiety had I known that it was ok. If something doesn’t feel right, or if it drains you, it’s okay to turn it down. Boundaries don’t make you selfish; they make you stronger.

Fun Fact: Research shows that self-confidence peaks in midlife. So, if you’ve been waiting for the perfect time to unleash your inner boss, now’s the moment.

6. You’re Smarter Than You Think

By 40, you’ve likely survived heartbreak, career changes, parenting challenges (or the decision not to parent by the way), and at least one global crisis (looking at you, COVID-19). You’ve got wisdom, resilience, and a killer ability to troubleshoot IKEA furniture assembly.

Tip: Trust your guts. You’ve been through enough to know what works for you and what doesn’t. And if you’re still doubting yourself, make a list of everything you’ve overcome. It’s a powerful reminder of how capable you are.

Fun Fact: The human brain reaches peak cognitive performance around age 40. So, all those times you forgot where you put your keys? Totally normal. Your brain is just busy being brilliant in other ways.

7. Your Career Might Shift, and That’s Ok

Reaching 40 often triggers a career reflection. Are you where you want to be? If you’re like many women, you might find yourself at a crossroads, questioning your path. This can be daunting but also liberating. Don’t be afraid to start over if something doesn’t feel right. Reinvention isn’t failure – it’s growth. And the best thing you can do is to listen to your heart. Do what truly makes you happy, even if it means switching paths.

Let that sink in

Tip: Set New Goals

Take the time to evaluate your career. Consider what excites you and what doesn’t. It’s never too late to pivot or pursue a passion project. 

8. Life is Short—But Also Long

Turning 40 can trigger a mild existential crisis. You start thinking about mortality, legacy, and whether you’ve done enough with your life. But here’s the thing: 40 isn’t old. In fact, it’s the perfect time to reinvent yourself, start a new hobby, or finally write that novel.

Tip: Make a bucket list—not just for big, dramatic goals but for small, joyful moments too. Learn to surf, take a solo trip, or finally master the art of sourdough bread. Life is about the journey, not just the destination.

Fun Fact: The average life expectancy for women in many countries is now over 80. That means you’re not even halfway through! You’ve got plenty of time to make mistakes, learn, and grow.

9. Embracing Your Sexuality:

   The Flourishing Years of Women Over 40

The most sensual revolution is here: women over 40 are rewriting the narrative with bold strokes of self-acceptance. This isn’t about "proving" anything—it’s about shedding old stories and embracing pleasure on your own terms.

Here’s what science and soul agree on:

✨ Your erotic intelligence peaks now—you know what you want and aren’t afraid to claim it

✨ Desire deepens like fine wine, blending physical joy with emotional richness

✨ Your body isn’t aging—it’s evolving, with new erogenous zones and capacities for pleasure

This is your era of:

🔹 Curious exploration ("What if I…?" replaces "Should I?")

🔹 Authentic expression (No more performing—just being)

🔹 Sacred selfishness (Your pleasure matters as much as anyone else’s)

The secret? There’s no "right way" to experience this chapter. Some women dive into passionate rediscovery, others savor quiet self-love—all paths are radiant.

"The most powerful sexual organ after 40 isn’t between your legs—it’s between your ears."

Your mind, heart and history now conspire to create pleasure that’s richer, juicier and more you than ever before.

Let’s celebrate this:

🌺 Throw out timelines—your sexuality isn’t expiring, it’s upgrading

🌺 Honor your body’s wisdom—every curve and change tells your story

🌺 Define pleasure your way—whether that’s tantric massage or sleeping in on Sundays

Your turn: How will you write this delicious chapter?

10. Ask for Help

    
    

I wish I’d known how hard being a woman would be and how quickly those early years would fly by. That I understood the value of hiring help, asking for help, and seeking therapy when motherhood felt especially hard. I felt consumed by the worry and didn’t know how to properly care for myself when I was trying to figure out how to care for people.

In my 30s, I often felt like I had to be everything for everyone. Whether it was work, family, friendships, or other commitments, I rarely paused to consider my own needs.

Life isn’t about fitting into someone else’s timeline or checklist. It’s a journey of learning, unlearning, and discovering what truly matters along the way. Looking back now, I see how much pressure I placed on myself to have everything figured out. And it was all only to realize that life doesn’t work that way. Instead, the beauty is in embracing the unexpected and letting go of perfection. So if you’re in your 30s and feeling lost, know this: you are exactly where you’re meant to be and becoming who you’re meant to become.

Let's conclude but not really with an Existential Question:

What Does It All Mean?

What’s the point of it all?

As you stand on the precipice of 40, it’s natural to wonder: What’s the point of it all? Is life just a series of milestones—birthdays, promotions, weddings, funerals—or is there something more?

Here’s the truth: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The meaning of life is whatever you decide it is. Maybe it’s raising kind humans, be an entrepreneur, creating art, or simply enjoying the ride.

So, as you blow out those 40 candles, remember this: You’re not just getting older—you’re getting better !!! And the best part? The adventure is just beginning.

Now, go forth and conquer your 40s, you’ve earned it.

Happy 40's, Love !!! Remember 40 is only 11 in Celsius !

If you still need to discuss this midlife crisis, I'm here to listen.

The things I wish I knew before I turned 40.