Pardon My French
- theprocesshk
- Sep 21
- 3 min read
Pardon My French:
Why Your Therapist Wants You to Stop Saying That
We’ve all been there. You let a spicy word slip out in a moment of frustration or surprise. A quick, slightly sheepish “Pardon my French” follows, smoothing things over. It’s a social lubricant, a way to acknowledge a breach of polite etiquette.
But have you ever stopped to wonder where this phrase truly comes from? And more importantly, why it’s the exact opposite of the mindset you need for effective therapy?
The Snobbish Origins of "Pardon My French"
Contrary to popular belief, the phrase has nothing to do with the French being prone to swearing. Its roots are actually rooted in 19th-century Anglo-Saxon elitism.
During this time, English aristocracy considered French the language of culture and high society. It was common for educated English speakers to pepper their conversation with French phrases to showcase their sophistication. When they used a French term (like “je ne sais quoi”), they would often follow it with a faux-apologetic “Excuse my French” for those who might not understand the refined reference.
The irony? Over time, the phrase completely inverted its meaning. It morphed from an apology for speaking too sophisticatedly to an apology for speaking too crudely.
At its core, “Pardon my French” is a social filter. It’s a way of saying: “The real, unfiltered me is showing for a second. Please excuse that authenticity; I’ll get back to the polished version now.”
Therapy:
The One Place Where You Never Have to "Pardon Your French"
In social settings, filters are often necessary. But there is one sacred space where that filter must be dismantled: the therapist’s office.
Why? Because your therapist isn’t there to judge your vocabulary. They are there to understand you. And to do that, they need access to the raw, unedited data of your mind, your own words.
Every word you choose, especially the ones you hesitate to say, is a direct window into your inner world.
The Power of Your Unfiltered Language:
Your Metaphors Paint the Truest Picture: Telling your therapist “I feel trapped in a maze with no exit” is infinitely more powerful than saying “I’m a bit stressed.” That metaphor of the maze gives your therapist a precise map of your experience. They can now help you explore that maze, find its walls, and look for hidden doors.
Slips of the Tongue (Lapsus) are Golden Nuggets: A Freudian slip is rarely just a mistake. Calling your partner by your sibling’s name, saying “I hate that” when you meant “I respect that”, these slips are direct messages from your subconscious. They reveal hidden conflicts, associations, or desires that your conscious mind might be avoiding. Filtering them out is like deleting the most important clues in a mystery.
The Weight of the "Right" Word: The word “annoyed” carries a different weight than “enraged,” which is different from “betrayed.” Using the word that genuinely comes to you, even if it feels too dramatic or too simple, provides an accurate measure of your emotional experience. A filtered word minimizes your reality and makes the healing process less precise.
How to Find the Right Words?
Stop Trying.
The goal in therapy isn’t to be eloquent. It’s to be authentic.
Your job is to let the words flow, clumsy, raw, repetitive, or incoherent as they may seem. Speak without a net. Your therapist is trained to listen through the words to the feelings and meanings beneath them.
Together, you can unpack why certain words keep appearing, what your personal metaphors reveal, and what those “unacceptable” emotions are desperately trying to communicate.
You deserve a space where you never have to ask for pardon for how you feel or how you express it. If you feel the constant weight of filtering yourself, perhaps it’s time to offer your story the gift of true, unfiltered listening.
Ready to drop the filter and discover the power of your own voice? Click here to schedule a consultation and let’s start unpacking your unique language, together.
📍 THE PROCESS – Sheung Wan, Central Hong Kong | https://www.theprocess-hk.com/
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