It's not things that upset us but our judgments about things

By weaving the principles of Stoicism with psychological insights, this article aims to empower readers to reflect on their judgments and take charge of their emotional well-being.

Unraveling Stoicism: Epictetus and the Power of Our Judgments

In an age where anxiety, stress, and distractions abound, ancient wisdom offers refuge. One of the most profound teachings of Stoicism comes from the philosopher Epictetus, who famously stated: “It’s not things that upset us but our judgments about things.” This concept invites us to explore the intricate relationship between our perceptions and our emotional well-being.

By delving into this philosophy, we can gain valuable insights that empower us to reshape our thoughts and transform our responses to life's challenges.

The Essence of Epictetus’ Teaching

Epictetus, a former slave turned philosopher, dedicated his life to the study of ethics and the art of living well. He taught that while we cannot control the events that happen to us, we can control how we react to them. This central tenet of Stoicism emphasizes the importance of our internal responses over external circumstances. According to Epictetus, our interpretations of events are what truly distress us, not the events themselves.

This is echoed in the modern psychological framework of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which posits that our thoughts directly affect our emotions and behaviors. CBT encourages individuals to challenge negative thought patterns and to reframe their perspectives—a practice strikingly similar to the Stoic tradition.

The Psychological Underpinnings of Judgment

Understanding Epictetus’ philosophy requires us to explore how judgments impact our mental health. When events do not unfold as we expect or desire, our judgments can lead to feelings of disappointment, anger, or sadness. Cognitive distortions, such as demanding perfection or overgeneralizing, can exacerbate these feelings.

For instance, if you receive constructive criticism at work and interpret it as a reflection of your worth, you may feel upset or ashamed. However, if you reframe that criticism as an opportunity for growth, you can transform your emotional response entirely. Recognizing that your perceptions are malleable is a potent step toward emotional resilience.

Exploring Epictetus:

5 Examples of Cognitive Distortions in Daily Life

Epictetus' famous quote, “It’s not things that upset us but our judgments about things,” encapsulates a profound insight into human psychology. This idea resonates deeply with those familiar with cognitive distortions—the irrational thought patterns that can skew our perception of reality and lead to emotional distress. Here are five examples that illustrate how our judgments, rather than the situations themselves, can impact our emotional well-being.

1. The Job Promotion: Overcoming Catastrophizing

Imagine you’ve worked hard for a promotion at work, but your colleague gets the nod instead. Your initial reaction may be to feel crushed and humiliated. Using catastrophizing, you might think, “I’ll never get a promotion now; my career is ruined!” This intense judgment amplifies your disappointment and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.

However, by applying Epictetus’ wisdom, you can reframe this setback. Instead of viewing it as a total failure, consider it an opportunity to seek feedback, identify areas for improvement, and perhaps even find new opportunities elsewhere. This shift in judgment can pave the way for resilience and future success.

2. Social Gatherings: Challenging Mind Reading

Social anxiety can often lead to distorted thinking. Picture yourself attending a friend’s party. You notice a group laughing and smiling in the corner, and you immediately jump to conclusions with mind reading distortions—believing they are mocking you. This judgment exacerbates feelings of isolation and insecurity.

By challenging this line of thinking, you remember that you have no evidence to support this assumption. With Epictetus in mind, you can change your narrative: "Maybe they are just enjoying their conversation." By reframing your perception, you can engage more freely and with greater confidence in social settings.

3. Family Conflicts: Letting Go of Blame

Family dynamics can sometimes be contentious, leading to emotional turmoil. For instance, during a family dinner, a relative makes a dismissive comment about your life choices, and you find yourself feeling hurt and angry. If you allow your judgment to dwell on the insult—believing it reflects your family’s lack of support—you may spiral into frustration and resentment.

However, through the lens of Epictetus, you can recognize that your emotional upheaval stems from your judgment of the remark rather than the remark itself. You could choose to view this family member’s comment as a reflection of their own struggles or biases, rather than a personal attack. By adjusting your judgment in this way, you might find understanding and compassion, leading to a more peaceful and constructive family interaction. Letting go of blame liberates you from emotional distress and paves the way for healthier relationships.

4. Parenting Challenges: Avoiding Personalization

As a parent, it’s common to feel overwhelmed by the challenges of raising children. Suppose your teenager behaves rebelliously. A distorted judgment might lead you to personalize their actions, thinking, “I must be a terrible parent; this reflects poorly on me.” This personalization can spiral into feelings of guilt and failure.

However, Epictetus would guide you to recognize that your child's behavior is their own separate journey, not a direct reflection of your worth as a parent. By shifting your focus to guiding them through their struggles rather than blaming yourself, you create a more constructive approach to parenting that fosters understanding and growth.

5. Relationship Conflicts: Addressing Emotional Reasoning

In romantic relationships, misunderstandings can arise that lead to emotional distress. Let’s say your partner forgets a special date. You might think, “They don’t care about me,” indulging in emotional reasoning, where you equate feelings with facts. This judgment fuels resentment and can create unnecessary tension.

However, if you apply Epictetus’ teachings, you can question this automatic thought process. What if your partner was overwhelmed with work or simply forgot? By assessing the situation more objectively, you can approach the conversation with empathy and understanding rather than hurt and anger. This shift can lead to more open communication and strengthen your relationship.

Conclusion

Understanding that “it’s not things that upset us, but our judgments about things” allows us to reclaim our emotional agency. By recognizing and challenging cognitive distortions, we can cultivate a clearer and more resilient mindset. These insights not only enhance personal well-being but also improve our interactions with others. Embracing Stoicism allows us to navigate life’s challenges with tranquility and strength.

Practicing Stoic Principles in Daily Life

Incorporating Stoic practices into our modern existence can equip us with tools to navigate emotional turbulence. Here are some practical strategies inspired by Epictetus:

1. Embrace the Dichotomy of Control: Understand what is within your control and what is not. This clarity can reduce feelings of frustration and helplessness. Focus your energy on your actions and attitudes, not on external outcomes.

2. Reframe Experiences: Use cognitive reframing to reinterpret challenging situations. Instead of viewing failures as setbacks, consider them as valuable learning experiences. This shift can foster a growth mindset.

3. Daily Reflection: At the end of each day, take time to reflect on your thoughts and reactions. Journaling can help you identify judgment patterns and cultivate a more balanced perspective.

4. Practice Mindfulness: Develop mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing. These techniques can increase your awareness of your thoughts and help you detach from immediate emotional reactions.

5. Seek Wisdom from Others: Surround yourself with individuals who embody Stoic ideals. Engaging in discussions about philosophy and ethics can deepen your understanding and help you internalize these principles.

The Role of Therapy in Enhancing Existential Well-Being

While understanding Stoicism can provide profound insights, some may need additional support. Psychotherapy can play a crucial role in helping individuals process their emotions and challenge their judgments. A skilled therapist can assist in identifying cognitive distortions and guide you toward healthier thought patterns.

In a bustling city like Hong Kong, where pressures can overwhelm, seeking professional help can be a brave and transformative step. Therapy provides a safe space to explore your emotions, confront your judgments, and develop techniques to reclaim your narrative.

An Existential Question to Ponder

As we navigate through life’s complexities, we must reflect:

How often do we allow our judgments to shape our emotional reality,

and what would happen if we learned to question those judgments?

Take Action Today

If you find yourself struggling with negative judgments that disrupt your peace, consider reaching out for therapeutic support. In Hong Kong, experienced professionals are available to help you navigate your thoughts and foster emotional resilience.

Embrace the journey to self-discovery and empowerment—every step taken toward understanding is a step closer to inner peace.

References:

Epictetus. (1995). *The Enchiridion* (Trans. by Elizabeth Carter). New York: Dover Publications.

Beck, J. S. (2011). *Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond* (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Harris, R. (2009). *The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living*. Trumpeter.

.