Perfect parent: a myth to abandon for an authentic and serene parenting

Becoming a parent is about facing our limits, accepting the imperfection, and choosing to be there with sincerity and authenticity, despite everything.

PERFECT PARENTS AREN'T REAL,

REAL PARENTS ARE NOT PERFECT

The image of the perfect parent: a myth to deconstruct

Before we become parents, we all have this idealized vision of what kind of parent we want to be. An image forged by our experiences, our readings, and the well-meaning advice of others. We imagine being able to handle every situation with calm and kindness, face crises with patience and comfort, and above all, we believe that our child will always listen to us thanks to the perfect pedagogy we have chosen. We promise ourselves that we will do better than our own parents, and that we will avoid their mistakes and missteps.

But once the child arrives, reality comes and everything is thrown into a corner. Dreams collide with the reality of everyday life. The idealization of parenting leaves room for emotions and challenges that are much more complex than we had imagined. It is in these moments that the true richness of parenthood is revealed, the one that comes from accepting our humanity, with all its flaws and imperfections.

Patience tested: understanding our limits

One of the first shocks to parenthood is the gap between the idealized image we had of ourselves as a parent and the reality that catches up with us. There are times when our patience, so precious and so much expected, seems to run out. The image of a calm and serene parent gives way to another version of ourselves, more fragile, sometimes more nervous, but always profoundly human.

Let’s imagine this morning when everything seems to go wrong. After a short night, the child refuses to put on his coat, even though we are already late. Frustration builds, and we feel the tension build in us. Eventually, what we feared happens: we lose patience. Words are beyond our thoughts, and we realize that we are not equal to the perfect image we had imagined.

That’s normal. We are human beings with limited resources. Fatigue, stress and the accumulation of small annoyances of the day end up exhausting us. But this difficult time is also an opportunity to get to know ourselves, accept our limits and forgive ourselves. What matters here is not perfection, but the ability to come back to that moment, apologize, and explain to our child that even if we overreacted, we are willing to discuss it together. This is how we learn to manage our emotions, and this is how we teach our children how to manage them.

Emotional crises: accepting that you don’t have control

Another aspect of parenting that challenges the image of the perfect parent is emotional crisis management. The tears of a child who cannot explain his emotions, the anger of a little one who does not understand why he can’t do what he wants... These moments are unsettling. We sometimes feel helpless in the face of our child’s pain or frustration.

It is in those moments when we do not have all the answers and we do not always know how to solve the problem immediately that parenting invites us to be empathetic and present. Being a parent is not having all the solutions, it is not having the right word every moment.

Sometimes, what our child needs is simply to know that we are there for him, that his emotions are legitimate, and that we welcome them without trying to "fix" them at any cost.

These shared moments of vulnerability, these emotional silences are the ones that strengthen the bond. The real parental strength is in the ability to accept not knowing, to stay present and to offer unconditional support.

Fatigue: a companion on the road

As the years go by, fatigue sets in, and it’s not just physical fatigue from sleepless nights or endless days. No, there is also this more insidious mental and emotional fatigue, which becomes a silent companion of our daily life as parents.

Being a parent is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s understanding that exhaustion is part of the process. And yet, even in the moments when we feel drained, exhausted by daily demands, there remains this burning desire to be there, not to fail in our role, to be present for our children. It is in these moments that we become aware of the importance of taking care of ourselves, allowing ourselves to take a break, so we can be better there for others.

Accept your flaws to be a true parent

Ultimately, being a parent is not about reaching an unrealistic ideal of perfection, but about being there, authentic, and fully present. It is about accepting that one can be both loving and imperfect, strong and vulnerable. Every mistake, every moment of doubt becomes an opportunity to learn, to grow together with your child.

It is not the image of the perfect parent that should be targeted, but that of the true parent, the one who accepts his flaws, who knows he can make mistakes, but who, despite everything, remains committed, loving and benevolent. This approach invites us to rewrite our family history with more serenity, make peace with our past and build a more serene and authentic future with our children.

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Perfect parent: a myth to abandon for an authentic and serene parenting.